give me a break.

I feel so cold. Like I've been hooked up to an IV that's pumping pure ice water through my veins, cleansing me of all of the hot, raging, passionate anger and disappointment that's been circulating through my body for three weeks. My father has hurt my mother, and he's hurt me (emotionally) more times than I can count on two hands twice. However, every time I see that intoxicated fueled frustration pierce through his eyes at me and spit words of hatred and disgust about her, I want to punch him in the face. I want to hurt him. I want to break his jaw so that I don't have to see that thin and disapproving frown. I want to scream and curse and spit. I want to unleash all of the Hell that has built up inside of me. And I want to shake my mother to her bones and tell her that I understand that her childhood was fucking brutal and terrible, but because she can't get over it, she's fucked up mine. And she's fucked up my brother's. And we're all just kicking and screaming under the same fucking roof because 'money' and DEPENDENCY are the only fucking words we all understand. I hate depending on people. I won't. I can't. I've been let down so many times because of my parents. My parents who have struggled to stay together for me and my brother. They're not happy. My mother has never been happy. And she still doesn't know that I KNOW she was married before. No family secret is kept anymore. I'm letting everything out. I'm unlocking my mouth and my heart and I am going to fucking say and feel whatever I want because I deserve that much.

"Cops at the front door, robbers at the back."

in heavenly peace.

Good Morning;

I'm resurfacing from the novocaine, it's quite apparent to see the daydream I was previously encased in was wasted on yesterday's last hurrah. My good friends, we've got to soak up the fountain spills to get to the change, and there's two sides to that phrase. I don't know what to do or where we'll go from here but as long as my glass is half full we should have no fear. Keep believing in what you can't see because as soon as "He" appears it's over, it's finished.

Goodnight.

Self discovery

I don't pay much attention to the people who crave it most. I understand how humans work and I can work my way into anyone's life I choose. I have the ability to be manipulative and vindictive, but I also have the strength and morale to refrain from using such "gifts". I see beauty in the things most would turn up their noses to. I pay attention to every single detail present. I am a huge procrastinator. I have a song to match every possible weather outcome. I don't ever want to be anything else but the person I am developing into. It took a while for me to actually appreciate myself, and I plan on focusing on me for the next few years.