Broken anthem.

It is a waste of time trying to please everyone. Simply because you cannot please everyone. I used to give a damn about what people thought about me, said about me -- oh Lord I was so vulnerable. And then, my mother let me down worse than ever before. I stopped caring when she stopped promising. Since then, I have changed. I have given up on achieving something without flaws, but in return have found something perfect, something to call 'safety'. I have found a few hearts to hide my fears in. My best friend, Mary, who has been with me through all 4 years of High School, has shown me what sisterhood looks like. Even when I fuck up, she's there to wipe away my tears as she conceals her own. God bless her. And my boyfriend, John. He saved me from a self-inflicted disease I'd like to call pity. I never miss a day of thank-yous for having him in my life. So many people have helped me discover who I am, and I'm finally at peace with myself. I don't doubt my feelings anymore, and I appreciate everything I am given. But most importantly, I am thankful for what I wasn't given. People who have everything handed to them are not people, they are empty useless shells. My life is filled with little blessings. And I will continue to accept each day like it is my last, because eventually, it will be.

More ahht. (:

Okay. So I painted both of these last night after I got in from hanging out with my friends Kelly and David, and my boyfriend John. Whenever I am with Kelly I feel so inspired to do something creative and meaningful, and I would hope that shows in these two paintings. The first one is definitely something different, but still going with my theme. This piece, to me, shows that love is timeless and can be found between all ages. However, it also shows that love can be real and true enough to last from ages 16 - 80. I really honestly believe in true love and soul mates because of my boyfriend's parents, Denise and John Sr. They are so perfect for each other, and they are high school sweethearts. Just looking at them, you can tell that there is no better match for either of them. I hope John and I can have that.

Alright, so the second piece is slightly more strange, but I love it anyway! I'm not even sure if it has a meaning or message (shame on me, eh Ryan?). It looks like a night scene, but I painted the sun. I think it has something to do with God, or some creator. I don't call myself a Christian, or any other worshiper, but I do believe in ultimate creation. If I had to pick apart this piece for a meaning, I suppose it would be that most search for a sign from God, but in their quest for something obvious, they miss the little messages sitting under their feet.

She was afraid of dreadful prophecies.

This is my favorite of my new paintings. It's funny because it literally took 5 minutes. I just went with it. I love how abstract it strange it is. My materials were acrylic paint, and a can of metallic silver spray paint, and some recycled paper I salvaged from Oedipus the play packet from 9th grade.

From now on I'll be posting daily or weekly paintings.

Can you hear me?

Like being surrounded by padded walls, I've moved from place to place in my mind. There is a way to escape the madness, but it's too far and fair to see. I'll close my eyes for a moment and all I can see is your color. Plastered across my canvas. Damn you for being so impressive. I wish there was more I could do, I wish there was a place I could go. Oh, how I've run so far away from home.

And you don't stop.

You never let it go. There's always one more little twist to the story.
And now you have Luekemia.


Please don't watch me cry.

Suprise, suprise.

Some people can be very tricky, like when you want to pursue a friendship with them because they are unique and interesting, they play it slow and ignore your various attempts to communicate. However, when you forget about them for a little while, or you've been too busy to care, they curl up next to you and want to know everything. Just like a cat, you cannot chase them. You have to wait until they come to you.

Hook, line, sinker.