I broke down.

About two hours ago, I lost my fucking mind.
But I found my strength

I got into a huge fight with my dad. It was a series of fights, events each building up with intensity, ready to explode into chaos. I was sobbing non-stop. In fact, I didn't stop until about 20 minutes ago. I tried to run away from everything. I grabbed my keys and threw on my boots and started running for the door when my mom and dad caught me, screaming at me to get back to them and to stop running. I turned around with my hair flying everywhere and my tears drenching my face and clothes and I threw my keys to the floor. I ran upstairs, away from their yelling and all of the confusion. I literally could not get away. I flung myself onto my bed and I cried so hard I lost every ounce of strength and sanity in my little body.
My younger brother came up to my room and picked me up, holding me in his arms as I just sprawled out like a rag-doll. Heaving sobs and shrieking unrecognizable phrases. I couldn't see, I couldn't move. I just felt so much pain.
My brother then carried me down the stairs and put me on the couch in front of my father. I curled up in a ball and held my knees, rocking back and forth. I didn't want to hear what he had to say to me. He'd already done too much damage.
He opened his mouth to say something, and I absolutely went fucking berzerk.

I screamed every single word that I wanted to tell him for four years. All of that anger and hatred and fear just poured out of my mouth like word vomit. I couldn't stop myself, I just kept going. I cried and yelled and cursed and fought my way through every single thing I had felt over four years of not saying anything to my father.
And he took everything I said and didn't fight it back. He just looked at me and took it all in. And I just dove into his arms and cried some more until I my dehydration took over. I ran to the bathroom and threw up, and then I passed out cold on the floor.
My brother came in and got me up, stuck a straw in my mouth and made me sip on orange juice until I stopped shaking so violently.

I talked to my dad once I was 'stable' and we sort of reconciled. Everything isn't fixed, but it's better.