wait a second.

The most powerful weapons in this world aren't bombs, or guns, or knives...

it's schools.

What is hiding in the 860?

Everything about my mother has been kept from me. Everything about her family has been locked up and thrown in the basement with all of the trophies, fine china, and horse figurines. Collecting dust. I am tired of knowing things that were never meant from my ears. I want to find "the black book" and find that picture of my mother and Mr. Scott posed for a wedding photo in the paper. I want to know if my mother had a kid before me. Do I have a half sister? Brother?

Do they know that Sam and I exist? Would they want to know?

It makes me uneasy. I have dreams of people's faces, like ghosts, looking for me. Calling out my mom's name. I feel like there is somebody out there who shares half of my DNA. Something is missing.

Until We All Burn

It's October 25th and I am still asleep.

I think things are supposed to change for people around this time of year. In New England, the leaves change colors and fall off of the trees, leaving the trees exposed. What do we shed? What changes with humans? Is it physically noticeable? Recently I have felt a stronger sense of independence and responsibility. Applying to college is a ridiculous amount of stress. Time is forced through a small hole when you have deadlines. Deadlines. Dead. That's how I end up by the time they are met.

I miss having the time to live. I miss playing and napping and dilly-dallying. I miss summer more than anything. All of these things are common, because they all involve one thing; childhood. When did I let that go? If I could tell little Emily anything, it would be to slow down and take everything in. That's the problem with present times. We rush far too much. Our bodies can't keep up with our brains. It's unhealthy to live like this.

'you' deserve an 'and me'

There are things we depend on to come through each day. We expect them to be there, even if we don't notice we need them so much. We sleepwalk through the most important moments of our 24 hours. We cannot deny it - we need people. Humans weren't meant to be alone. Companionship is vital to our emotional stability. We attach ourselves to others. Call it invasive, call it complimentary, but I'll call it mandatory. Once the people we depend on leave us, we are vulnerable little children again. And we don't understand the necessity of their presence. Our days together are numbered. You can choose to ignore that, or you can choose to embrace it. Can you say that you'll savor it?


Who do you dream up when the sun goes down?
I cling to my sheets in hopes of finding you.

ramble

What a coincidence. Yeah, they never cared about you. We could never bother them to look our way. We couldn't touch them. They were beautiful; unattainable perfection. And how we longed for their attention. Just a moment of their high-priced time. We wanted so much to be just like them. We just wanted to be noticed by all the right people. We wanted to be socially immortal. We wanted.

And now the tables have turned.

Secretly, quietly - they wish they were as noticeable as we are. They wish to be something daring and unnatural. Of course, it isn't part of their code of law to be anything but "in fashion'. They run in packs. Like wolves they hunt together for something to call "inferior". Well, just because we are different we are wrong. We are dangerous, uncharted territory. Just because we don't blend in with our surroundings we are fake. What defines fake? What makes a person real? We will never be what they want us to be, and they want us to be acceptable.

Clones are terribly boring. I'd prefer to live in chaos than drown in monotony.
Grow a spine.

Watch your mouth...

Because your speech is slurred enough
that you just might swallow your tongue;

It's not that we're afraid of you, we're just afraid of you slipping into the dark. You have a tendency to fall apart at the worst of times. Please, you've done so well. Don't let the small things creep under your skin. And when you're not strong enough to face the people you love, please don't be afraid to take comfort in isolation. That is, if you plan on returning. I love you, and you have no idea how proud I am of you for lasting this long.

You know you should take it a day at a time.